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Monday, February 12, 2007

A Guy's Thesaurus

Okay, time for a little stereotyping and (possibly) a little truth. Whatcha think? How much truth is in this?

"IT'S A GUY THING" Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR" Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD." Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."

"OH, DON'T FUSS -- I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL." Translated: "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING." Translated: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT." Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU." Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE." Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC." Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK." Translated: "I make the messes; she cleans them up."


Pinky said...

HA!! I've heard a few of those in my house! (taps foot angrily, folds arms in aggressive pose)

Some of these I knew, because my dad is cool enough to let me know the secrets behind what guys say. Sometimes. :)

Hope you are well!!

Chrissy121875 said...

LOL!!!! Pavel, that's hilarious! Hilarious, but true! Hmmm...and I thought when my husband said, "Yes, Dear", he actually agreed with me...or that he agreed that I was always right! LOL :) Hmmm, he says that quite often, so I'm crushed to hear it's just a conditioned response! :)

Great post, as always!

Rhea said...

I would venture to say there is a whole lotta truth in these.

Pavel said...

Pinky: I'm going to have to have a talk with your dad, giving away the secrets! Sheesh!

Chrissy: Yes dear. (smile)

rhea: Thanks for visiting! Whether there's truth or not, I couldn't say. I just know they're not true with me. (coughs - looks away...)

HMBT said...

That's pretty funny there Pavel...I don't hear any of those in my house was in my vows that "Man-speak" be banned ...Forever. (Forever said in the star wars echo-y voice...with scary music in the background.) I won't let my Mate Man call me "wife" either...I hear wife and think..."Slave/Maid" so that's taboo too...he only complains when he talks to other people when I am not around and refers to me as his partner...and then they meet me and say..."OMG I thought he was gay! He didn't say he had a Wife!" And I say...he dosen't he has a life partner! :)

Chrissy121875 said...

Pavel, I checked out the other site you told me about. Those kiddies of yours are the cutest ever! They're adorable!!

Pavel said...

hmbt: Good idea on the marriage vows! I can understand your discomfort with the use of wife: it's such a loaded word and has often been used in a derogatory way.
As a matter of fact, did you know that the Spanish word for wife is "esposa." Do you know what the Spanish word for handcuffs is? "Esposas"

chrissy: Thank you. They are pretty darn cute, aren't they? It's hard to reprimand cute kids, let me tell you.

Amber said...

LOL! That is classic, and unfortunately I hear a lot of that around my house. The cartoon rings very true in my house. But I'm a neat freak and we aren't married...hahaha. ;)

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