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Friday, March 2, 2007

The Next Survivor Series...

or "A Tribute to Moms"

I've been a dad for 10 years now and I love my job as a dad. I take my responsibilities seriously but also love playing with my children and while there are moments when I'd rather have time for myself, those moments are rare and I usually like being with them.

It "seems" to me that in the past, the responsiblities for raising children fell primarily on the mom. I don't think the role of the traditional father was any less important; men had primary responsibility for the finances and that placed a heavy burden on them. Nowadays the roles seem more balanced and parents share responsibilities.

While I am NOT lessening or belittling the important role of fathers, (I believe a guy can/should be able to take up the role of a mom if that was what was expected of him,) every guy should acknowledge that a mom has a difficult job!

So, in that spirit, here is.... the Next Survivor Series!


Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 4 kids
each for six weeks.

Each kid will play at least two sports and either take music or dance

There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 4 kids; keep his
assigned house clean, correct all homework, help complete science
projects, re-teach this weeks math lesson, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of
"pretend" bills with not enough money.

In addition...each man will have to prepare a grocery list, clip coupons
and shop for groceries each week.

Each man must also take each child to either a doctor's appointment, a
dentist appointment, or an appointment for a haircut. He must also be
able to make cookies or cupcakes for a social function on demand.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house,
planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and
all chores are done.

There is only one TV between them.

Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid
song that comes on TV and the name of each and every repulsive character on

The men must shave their legs; wear makeup daily, which they will apply
themselves either while driving or making four lunches.

They must adorn themselves with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish
shoes, and keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, they will have to endure stomach cramps,
back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never complain or
slow down from other duties.

They must attend PTA meetings, church, and find time at least once to
spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

He will need to pray and read with the children each night, bathe them,
dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 8:00.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will
be required to know all of the following information: each child's
birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. They must
also know each child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of
labor. In addition to each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite
snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and
what they want to be when they grow up.

They must clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m. and then spend
the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand
and foot until they are better.
Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a
tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate
with his spouse at a moments notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over
again for the next 18-25 years...eventually earning the right to be called


FelineFrisky said...

My friend!!! I thought you gave up the ghost! I am SO glad you're still around! I have missed you!

Being a Mom - or Dad, is one tough job. One reason we decided not to have a family. We were never responsible enough for it.

You are a fantastic Dad. Your children's eagerness to be with you and their overall happiness are proof. Be proud, you do a fine job.

D :)

Diesel said...


Rebecca said...

You sound like a good dad. As a teacher I see so many kids without a positive male role model. Please pat yourself on the back and relish in your love and talent!

Chrissy121875 said...

Great post, Pavel! It sounds like you are a wonderful Dad! Your kids are very lucky to have you as a father :)

HMBT said...

OMG! This post had me laughing so hard! I called in mate man to read it too, and we laughed and laughed! Great DO sound like a wonderful need both of their parents to be healthy in mind body, and spirit to model to them how to live this life...good bad and the ugly. They don't want perfect parents, they want real ones. Thanks for this!

Pavel said...

ff: "Gave up the ghost?" Hee hee
Nope, I'm still around! Just had to rearange things.
About the responsibility thing: I didn't think I was responsible enough to be a dad either, but you kind of grow into it. They kind of forc you to it, if you know what I mean. (smile)

diesel: rofl!!! That's how I felt too, at least originally!

Rebecca: You're a teacher? My hat's off to you! I believe teachers should be paid a million dollars a year and people should bow to them when they walk by!

chrissy: kids rock! They're fun, they know the best games, and you just have to make sure they don't kill themselves while playing. The rest is pretty easy! (smile)

hmbt: I'm glad you and "mate man" appreciated it, and I agree with you, they need real Parents.

I'm always trying to learn to balance between being a fun dad and a responsible one; sort of like "have some cake but eat a few veggies too" - that sort of thing, but trying to apply it to everything.
It's hard sometimes but not always.

~cj~ said...

You know I am sure I don't want to be a contestant in that show!