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Saturday, May 24, 2008

Thinking about God today....

It's Memorial Day Weekend and I even get Monday off of work and that's cool. Unfortunately, I won't have my kids with me at all during all three days. It's their mom's weekend and Monday is their mom's birthday which means I won't get them half day, which is the norm for a holiday.

So it's Saturday and at first I thought, great - I'll be without my little people, which means I'm going solo, and it was a bit upsetting, and a bit lonely. Sure, I can call some friends and visit hang out, but it's kind of weird. When you're in your mid thirties, most of your friends are married and have kids and it's awkward to visit with them by yourself. I kind of feel out of place since my kids aren't with me and their kids are asking, "where are your kids?"

So here I am in my home alone. First I was a bit lonely, but then I thought about
God. He's with me. No really. He is, and he knows how I feel and I felt better about being alone. After all, when God's with you, you can't possibly have better company, can you?

I often think about God and just how wonderful he is, and why on Earth he'd want to hang with me at all. I mean, God's has EVERYTHING at his disposal, he made it all. Why would he be with me? Why would he love me at all, much less want to be near me?

You ever sit and think, holy cow, God knows about what I did, or he saw me doing that or acting that way? I'm ashamed of myself! He knows what I thought in that situation and it wasn't a good thing. But he still loves me?! How?! Sometimes, knowing this, it makes me want to run away from him, knowing I don't deserve to be anywhere near him. I mean, God is perfect and kind, loving and just... He created EVERYTHING including me, and he actually expects that I behave myself and love others like he loves us. Man, I'm so not close to that. But HE still loves me!

No way! There's just no way... I don't deserve him at all.

And yet, he still loves me.

Thank you, Lord...


louann said...

He does Pavel. We often take Him for granted most of the time, but His love for us never changes.

I believe He orchestrated your weekend that way so that you would and could be reminded of His love for you.

G said...

Come on Pavel, you have children - you know of the unconditional blind love we have for them. That's why G-d would be with you - that and I imagine you'd be pretty fun to hang out with. I mean you're always at water parks and doing fun things :)

RedNeckGirl said...

Great post Pavel; I often think some of those same things. When I first thought about getting my divorce, I was horrified......Marriage is supposed to be forever that it the way God intended it to be.....and I am ending it.....going against God. But then I began to think......God is a loving and forgiving God, he would not want me and my children to be miserable for the sake of doing the "Right" thing to do.

God sees the good and the bad. I know that he sees the love you have for your children and that you have a good heart. Those are the things that matter most.

Hugs to you and your beautiful children!!!!

Pavel said...

Louann: I wouldn't doubt it one bit! The Lord just rocks in his wisdom, doesn't he?

g: Your first point was definitely a good one. Your second point made me laugh pretty hard! The picture that popped into my head was one of the Lord wondering who he was going to hang out today and deciding based on a water park! ROFL!!!

redneck: Glad you visited, girl! I also knew that you would be one who could relate and even put it in the proper perspective. Thanks! Hope you and your boys are doing well...

Orlando said...

Mid thirties?! Are you hitting that mid life crisis already and in denial?! LOL, j/k. Oh, come on. All that serious stuff, you weren't expecting something funny to break the ice?

Becky said...

Wow...I needed this.

I love that song as well.

I found your site from a friend's blog and loved the picture next to your comment and decided to check you out. ;)

Glad I did.

The Maid

Pavel said...

Orly: Yep, mid thirties... Actually, more like late thirties, to be honest. Time flies when you're having fun... (smile)

Becky: It's nice to meet you, Becky! Glad you stopped by and, like you, I really appreciated those songs and their messages.

I must swing by and visit you soon!

Autumn's Mom said...

You gave me tears. You said it. Exactly. I know it, yet I struggle with it every day. Thanks so much for commenting on my blog...I'm happy to meet you :)

pavel R said...

Hi everybody my name is pavel its nice to meet you guys, so whats going on.