There is SO MUCH to tell you, so lets talk!!!

Thursday, November 15, 2007


We're all different, aren't we?

Some of you know that I'm in the middle of a divorce and have been living by myself for over a year. I'm not alone when my kids are here and I'm never more than two days without seeing them, and that's great. I'm fairly certain any more than two days without them and I'd be depressed.

I live in a townhouse complex and two of my new neighbors are women and, this being East Tennessee, it's not uncommon to actually "talk" to your neighbors. But here's the thing; I think I actually forgot just how "different" it is to really talk and listen to women, as opposed to men.
Don't get me wrong; I didn't just stop talking, cold turkey, to women after I moved out, as if I placed all women on some list of things to be avoided. It's not like that. I work with lots of women and talk to just about anyone I'm near.

I'm "talking" about when you spend more than a few passing moments talking to someone. You know; when you get past talking about the weather and what you did over the weekend. When my new neighbors come around on a regular basis and talk about their personal lives and such and I try to remember the details to stay up to date on their lives. Stuff like that. When I talk to these women, it feels more like reading a rich and detailed historical fiction, as opposed to talking to guys. On the average, those conversations sound more like technical manuals.

I'm not trying to generalize or anything. Some women, I find, sound like technical manuals and some men write the best historical fiction you can find out there. It's just an observation I've noticed recently, probably due to my being single.

It's nice to have variety, though. Sometimes it's good to put the technical manual down and pick up a good story.


Hilary said...

Interesting analogy... which is what makes your blog a page-turner (electronically speaking). :)

Casdok said...

Glad to hear you like veriety!!

Beth said...

I love the way you describe how it feels talking to women. Well done! And I'm glad to hear you have the opportunity to keep up those "talking and listening to women" skills!

Theresa said...

Well you've sure mastered the way to talk to your fellow bloggers, and if you do that with your women-folk neighbors, I'm sure you'll be a great success. :)

HMBT said...

Wonderful insight my friend! I would step out and say it's not a gender thing...but I know I'd be wrong...probably. I wonder if Men were raised with more active listening and less 'man up-ness" happening in thier young lives if that would make a difference...I bet it would. I am trying to raise three men...not children, but men. It's not easy in a world where strength and brawn count for much more than sensitvity and compassion. Wonderful thought provoking post. Thanks for sharing your insights.

Karen MEG said...

What a great way to describe it! Maybe that's why my husband zones out blather just gets too, too technical for him LOL!
That was a great post Pavel.

BarnGoddess said...

Pavel, your mother raised a good son. She is a smart woman.

The single women who read this are going to beat a path to your door.

After over 17 years of marriage, my husband needs a refresher on listening.

Pavel said...

hilary: Hi again! Well, I took a chance on a very "delicate" topic, but it really is how it seems to me. Thanks for stopping by again!

casdok: absolutely!

beth: I'm glad to have the opportunity, truth be told, and I'm grateful to know that these women actually want to spend the time to share with me.

theresa: thank you, Theresa! That is sweet...

hmbt: good question, and I wonder if it would change or if men (and women) are "hard wired" to be the way they are. Maybe someone will do a social experiment one day.

karen meg: Hey, if your husband is anything like me, I have to work at it, and I'll be the first to admit that sometimes it takes more than I have, especially after a long day at work or something. I imagine the ability to communicate to members of the opposite sex come easy and natural to some, to others, it takes work, and still others, they find it too difficult, or just don't want to bother out of selfishness. I don't know.
I'm somewhere between enjoying it/finding it natural, but sometimes it takes me some effort.

bg: I'm sure that after 17 years, I'd need a refresher too! (smile)

Ann(ie) said...

I'm impressed that you talk to your neighbors. I'm a recluse around my townhouse complex.

Dorky Dad said...

Interesting way to describe the difference. That whole listening thing is a rather important challenge for men. I've been surrounded by women my whole life and still find it difficult.

Pavel said...

Annie: rofl! I wasn't always that way. In fact, in Miami, Fl where I'm originally from, it's frowned upon. (Actually, it's seen as "creepy!") Here in Tennesse, though, people actually wave at each other when you drive by. It's easier to be friendly.

dorky dad: I find it to be challenging as well. I think it's easier for me now because I don't have to do it as often as when I was married. I'm hoping I appreciate the different conversational styles more now that I don't have it around as often.

Susan said...

You are going to be the most popular person in the whole complex. Those woman are looking at you thinking about a man who obviously adores his kids, really listens when they talk, and although I can't think of a photo of you, I'm sure you are a hunk just by how your kids look!

Trish said...

Well said Pavel...good conversation is about good's a skill and a courtesy no matter who your speaking with. Although a good story is better than a tech manual any day.

Amber1313 said...

What a great post. I too have found much of what you have said. Thanks Pavel and HI! :)